a weepy day…and then sweet peace
October 2, 2009
parkis2
Well, phooey! I’ve been having a really good week making changes here and there. Another milestone has come and gone. I traded in Rod’s Honda Element. He said to me in January, that this year we were going to get a new Honda Fit. “Probably our last car,” he said.
He bought the Element for me (in orange no less…to match my hair,) and I drove it for awhile, but he really loved it and it wasn’t easy for me to drive. I had to be so close to the steering wheel to reach the pedals that I was always afraid of the airbag deploying and decapitating me. (I wondered if you have a minute to think after you’ve been decapitated. Do you know what has just happened? …weird.)
Anyway, Rebekah needed a car so my thought was, I could trade in the Element on a new car for HER and I would drive her poopy Chevy Cavalier. But once we got there, she found a used one she loved and I saw the “Fit” that Rod had talked about, so in one day, I ended up buying 2 cars. I can say however that Rod would LOOOVVVVEEEE this fit! It “fits” my fanny, I can easily reach the pedals and I am an arms length away from the steering wheel. Unheard of when you are 4 foot 10.
All that and I didn’t cry. Then tonight somehow the tears just started coming. They were gentle tears, not the harsh boo hooing that I shed in the past. They were more of “I miss my honey, but I’m dong pretty well” tears.
More changes to come. Facing this week-end will be difficult. Sunday, new people are coming into the church to fill some holes that Rod and Pastor Josh left. As they are introduced, I will be praying for Pastor Biz…and for Julie, the church secretary and friend, and Pastor Amy. They loved Rod too and are missing him. He was he was in their lives daily and often they got to see him more than I did. We all struggle in our own way. So tonight, I’ve been weepy. Rod would welcome them with open arms, and that’s certainly my plan. I want to get to know them and love them and care for them…but with them at Westside, I’m even more aware of the fact that Rod is not.
Then I looked up and saw “Pastor Rod’s” smiling face above my computer. He is happy way beyond our understanding, so I reminded myself of good times shared. He is at peace with our Savior, and our Savior is here with me .
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1.
Claire |
October 3, 2009 at 12:16 am
Amen sister, amen. =)
2.
Roselyn Prow |
October 4, 2009 at 10:01 pm
You are doing great, Paula, and I am so proud of you plugging away and doing the things that the Lord is putting into your heart.
Love you forever,
Auntie
3.
Theresa |
October 5, 2009 at 2:00 am
Paula,
When I read you got a Fit, I about had a laughing fit! I remember Cindy and Cameron Curey going to look for cars, and she said,”Cameron looked at the Fit, and he didn’t.”
What a laugh I had. So…when I think about you, I think, “What a perfect fit!”
I’ve read through all of your posts, and I’m glad you’ve found a way to “journal” your feelings.
I enjoy your writing style.